This past May we got a chance to interview Kris’ alpaca Ace, right after the sudden departure of Kris from EXO. Now that the year is coming to an end and so many other scandals have troubled SM and specifically EXO, we somehow got Ace to come back for a 2nd interview.
Ace: This is medicinal; you have a problem with it? Go talk to my doctor. I’ve been through a lot of trauma this year.
TOS: Speaking of trauma, let’s talk about all that has happened since we last spoke. Have you spoken with Kris?
Ace: Yea, I speak to him on Skype a bunch, but Tao hogs the computer every time Kris is on, whining and crying in incoherent Chinese. No one knows what language that kid speaks.
TOS: Do the other members speak to Kris?
Ace: Right now only Tao does. Luhan used to, but well – now he is on the other end of the calls.
TOS: How is Luhan? What were the last few days like?
Ace: Eh, I saw it coming. I was in Luhan and Lay’s room after Kris abandoned me. Lay and I share the same doctor, so we were getting through this whole debacle just fine, but Luhan was a mess.
TOS: How did it all go down?
Ace: Luhan was sick and SM wasn’t finished with his clone so they couldn’t replace him on schedules. So they forced him to work. It wouldn’t have been so bad if Tao wasn’t crying so much and carrying on about his hyung.
Finally the other 10 members got together and decided to help Luhan escape. They all knew it was best for him. And it’d even out the team. Ya’know for choreography reasons. It was either that or have D.O. kill someone in their sleep.
TOS: REALLY?! The other members helped him escape?
Ace: Yea, it was crazy. They didn’t tell Tao, they left him home with Sehun and Kai. Mainly because Sehun and Kai have the attention span of a rock, and Tao is afraid of every little thing. The kid gets scared every time his alarm clock goes off.
Ace: Let’s just say it involved a purple feather boa, Lay’s drug dealer, a pink roll of duct tape and some cranberry jelly.
Ace: Yea exactly. No more questions about that, I am under strict secrecy.
TOS: How are Kris and Luhan these days?
Ace: Fine, Kris is pursuing his singing, against my advice. But I guess he got some training or something, because it sounded way better than it used to when he was in the shower. Luhan is starting a scarf line for his deer brethren. The tag line is “Deer get cold too.” They are in talks for a duo called LuDaKris, as rumored on line.
Ace: Nah. She had one foot out when she first started that group. She is too fab for those pink loving puff pops. She and I used to go around smashing Oreo cookies and crumbling them in Baekhyun and Taeyeon’s beds. It was hilarious. They still haven’t found the culprit.
TOS: How are Baekyeon and Taeyeon?
Ace: ByunTae? Barf, no one really cares. They are super BORING! I have to tell you, with all the cool people dropping like flies, my life is getting dull.
TOS: Do you think you will leave too?
Ace: I don’t know, someone has to watch Tao and make sure Lay’s stash isn’t found. Maybe if those two jump ship, I will too. Although I don’t know how I will leave $uho a.k.a JunMoney.
TOS: Do you think anyone else will leave SM or their groups?
Ace: That one girl group… What is their name? Ya’know the one SM doesn’t care about… f(x)! That’s it. Anyway, I think Krystal might split. Sulli has fallen off the face of the earth. Maybe people will care about them after the drama.
TOS: So what is next for you?
Ace: Me? Eh, I might start a management company for all the stuffed toys out there. We need representation too! These damn idols always flinging us around, and carrying us through crowds. We are the most common thing stolen by sasaengs. We have to protect ourselves!
TOS: Do you like EXO’s upcoming album?
Ace: Are you kidding me? I don’t listen to that crap! I’m a One Direction fan.
Ok, I am starving, I’m out. Deuces.
TOS: Um.. ok.. bye.
Do you have any questions for Ace? Ask below and we will
pay convince him to answer.